Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It's New Year's Eve Bee-Yatchez!

Let's get it started off right, shall we? JQ was able to make some magic happen, so we will be attending the party at Paramount Studios. The city is operating the rail system all night, and metro rides are free from 9:00 PM to 2:00 AM - Brilliant!


I'm getting my hair did today, and we get out early so I'll have plenty of time to get ready. I did some "prep" (as JQ calls it) last night...you know some bleaching, tanning, laid out the makeup I'm going to use, etc. Women be craaaaaazy! (and women be shopping.) The key is to not get obnoxiously drunk and ruin all the hard work you put in. A little something I've learned over the years. Make a note of it.



So, what else is going on? I don't know...I'm moving in 8 days! Holy crap!



I've been going through another hat and accessory phase. I bought one of these on Ebay the other day. I love them. Mini Top Hat hair clips! They are custom made and cost less than $20 with shipping. Perfect for the Britney Spears tour! :) Check out Ebay seller: catrina8904


I'm a little annoyed that Time Warner Cable failed to reach an agreement with MTV Networks to continue programming on their service, but I'm moving anyway. Is Rock of Love part of MTV Networks? OMG - I think it is. What the hell is the point to having Time Warner then?

That's all I have today. Off to cover the front desk at work.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Music As Torture

Trent's wicked pissed. He found out that his music is being used as a form of torture at Guantanamo Bay.

"It’s difficult for me to imagine anything more profoundly insulting, demeaning and enraging than discovering music you’ve put your heart and soul into creating has been used for purposes of torture. If there are any legal options that can be realistically taken they will be aggressively pursued, with any potential monetary gains donated to human rights charities. Thank GOD this country has appeared to side with reason and we can put the Bush administration’s reign of power, greed, lawlessness and madness behind us." -Trent Reznor

Honestly Trent, come on, this isn't that ludicrous. Your music is awesome, but it is dark and disturbing, and will drive people crazy in large doses. Especially people who are going through hell.

Why do you think drug addicts are huge fans of NIN? They heighten their senses and then accompany the affects with the distorted layers and lyrics in your compositions. I've had a hand full of friends in high school tell me about the subliminal messages they heard in your songs, and the sick and twisted pictures they've seen in your CD art.

I love you to death, but haven't you tortured your own fans emotionally with your music? Wasn't that the point of it? So these messed up kids would have something to relate to - self-loathe a bit.

I read that the Barney theme song, Dr. Dre, and Eminem are being used as torture too. Won't this just make the prisoners angry and crazy instead of defeated and powerless?

Friday, December 26, 2008

Party in the Back

I saw this while I was picking up some cereal at TJ's today. Thought I'd share...



Really, what is the point of a rat tail? Is it to prove that you were once a bad ass? Is it the middle ground you and your wife reached when she said it was time to grow up and cut your damn hair? To each his own, I guess.

So, I haven't mentioned my favorite people in a while. Christmas is over so I finally have a chance to breathe a little.

I have to say my favorite person over the past few days has been my officemate Jorge. On my most stressful day, the bus was running late. That day I had to put together the office gifts, sing at Macy's, sing at the company holiday party, and go see LMFAO at the Roxy. I had a ton of stuff to carry. When I called 1-800-COMMUTE, they informed me that the bus had broken down. I had no choice but to call Jorge, and he came to the rescue without hesitation.

Not only did he go out of his way to pick me up - he gave the high school student stuck at the bus stop with me a ride as well. It was really sweet. I can always count on Jorge.

He has the cutest son you've ever seen (Mattias). Mattias came into work the other day, and my heart just melted. He got the biggest kick out of this little stuffed chicken that wears bunny ears and sings the Chicken Dance song. It was great.

Favorite Person of the Day Runner-Ups include:
Perry - Thanks for driving my ass home all the time without complaints.

Autumn - For adding some much needed female friendship to my holidays. Oh, and for the funniest quote I've heard in a while: "Why comb when you can sleep and go?"

Mark- For his true friendship and hooking up the much needed holiday gigs - and keeping me singing while I've been here in Los Angeles.

The Premiere Choir - Because we rocked the Holiday Party

The Kindharts - For just being the helpful, hardworking, loveable folks they are.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Holiday Cheer!

We started singing at the Bel Air on Monday. This is something I've been doing since I moved to Los Angeles. We also do some shows at Macy's Downtown too. I've spent more Christmas Eves with Mark, Autumn, and Perry than I have my husband...weird, huh?


video



An excerpt about the Hotel Bel Air found on http://www.tablethotels.com/ (I didn't write this):
Built in 1946 in a style that can only be described as romantic Mediterranean, the Hotel Bel-Air, with its rose-colored mission-style bungalows, is about as elite a hideaway as you can find. Hidden by bougainvillea, ficus, orange blossom, and fern, on eighteen acres right in the middle of LA’s most exclusive suburb, the grounds are mapped by terracotta passageways, and the reception area lies just beyond an arched stone bridge.

Ironically the Bel-Air began by blackballing movie folk, but it was they—and their scandalous behaviour—who made it famous. Elizabeth Taylor honeymooned there with her first husband, Marilyn Monroe spent a lot of time hopping between rooms 133 and 33, and an urban legend would have it that Lauren Bacall flooded the hotel during the Academy Awards. Although the hotel has undergone extensive renovations, it still feels like a Hollywood hideaway from the golden years. Think, therefore, of the swan-shaped pats of butter as romantic rather than kitsch. Ditto the Tuscan-inspired style of the rooms, the floral curtains and the stone Poseidon heads spewing water into the fountain.

Celebrities are not known for the judiciousness of their requests, and Bel-Air’s staff is legendary for their ability to do anything from set up a seventeen minute wedding (between Ronald Reagan’s daughter Patti and her yoga instructor) to locating a 1962 sixpence coin. They are also—especially the ones who have been there for over thirty years—discreet; you have to be, in what one employee has called the “biggest shack-up business in town.”

Most Bel-Air guests come here for a break from the spotlight; nonetheless, the very public restaurant is always busy, and for good reason. The food at the Bel-Air is fantastic. Even the notoriously ill-tempered swans eat well here — on romaine lettuce leaves. The non-feathered guests rave about the lemon pancakes, tortilla soup, and the hot water pipes underneath the terracotta floor of the restaurant patio, to warm the feet of anyone dining outside. Make sure you do because Bel-Air is about scents. The aroma of freesia, gardenia and rosemary from the on-site herb garden is divine, and for many, what characterizes the hotel at its luxurious best is the smell of the avocado wood burning in the fireplace at the bar.

Here are some holiday bits I did for Premiere this year:



Uncomfortable Memories Part 1:



Uncomfortable Memories Part 2:



video

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Celeb Sightings

Within 24 hours I have seen:

Diane Keaton: Stunning in Person



Priscilla Presley: Tiny little thing




and John Goodman: Awesome and Jolly...love this man. Love him!


Monday, December 22, 2008

MEATY


Apparently the new Burger King fragrance was all the buzz last week. Thanks for the tip, Steve. It's called Flame and is described like so:


The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.

Umm...okay. Being a vegetarian, this does nothing for me. I can only picture this smelling like my ex-boyfriend in high school that worked at Burger King. Who would actually buy this for real? A biker, maybe? I mean, I can see it flying off the shelves because of consumer curiousity. It's only $5.00 a bottle. Fast forward-March 2009: Flame by the dozens at 99 Cent Stores. It's an interesting concept though.

Guy and I used to live next to a McDonald's and the delightful smells drove us nuts...especially around breakfast. I can see this becoming a trend. Maybe a Dunkin' Donuts shower product line is in the works. Oh - or candles and home scent oils! I'd buy that.

Serious Eats Blog (http://aht.seriouseats.com/) posted some reviews of the body spray. Here's what they had to say:

Gordon: "It smells like cologne."
Michele: "Like aftershave. It smells like a hetero man trying to be even more hetero."
My girlfriend: "Like a truckstop bathroom air freshener."
Raphael: "It smells like this G.I. Joe action figure I had that would spit out a liquid you filled it with. Or like this girl I dated in junior high who had a leather jacket that smelled just like that."
I think it smells like Lincoln Logs—a weird musky combination of pine and tar.



Quite amusing!

Sex ED

Autumn and I were discussing hilarious Sex ED videos yesterday. She told me to check out what the kids are watching today...



Watching this reminded me of a video I saw back in elementary school about getting your period. However, this G-Spot video is far more entertaining.

After doing some research, I found out that the movie that I was subjected to was made in 1988 and called, "I Got It." I can't find it anywhere. All I remember is that the mother in the video was making breakfast when she was explaining the cycle to the girls. She created the female anatomy out of pancake batter as a diagram.

It seems many other people remember this video, and some remember it in more detail. Like the fact that the father eats the pancakes at the end of the video...W-T-F?!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Year and a Half Later...

I was finally able to save that wedding video I made back in June. I crack myself up. Don't ask me why I used "Mamma Mia" at the end of this. The song reminds me of Vegas, but the lyrics are anything but suitable for a wedding video. Oh Well! I worked with what I had :)



Cool quote I read today: "Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you." -Mae West

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Making Me Merry

Here are some things that make me merry:

(SO CUTE)
(MALLS ARE FOR DUMMIES)
(NOTICE IT'S LOWFAT)






And hearing everyone in the office sing this from November on, because they simply can't get it out of their head... (It has toned down a lot this year, which is a bit of a bummer.) DING FRIES ARE DONE!







Let's talk weather: I've become such a baby over the past five years. When I first moved here, I was wearing short sleeves this time of year. It's about 50 degrees outside today, and I used leg warmers for their true purpose...not an accessory. I'm layered in sweatshirts and my bones hurt, ache even, because it's so cold.


In FPOTD news, my reps totally made my day. They presented me with an overly generous monetary gift, and (I fuck with you not) a Ped Egg! Love my boys! Tom, Mike and Steve are pictured below. Masa is one of my reps too. You all remember him from my last post. He's really on my good side this week. ;)



Monday, December 15, 2008

Chrystal & JQ's Jingle Ball Adventure

These might only be entertaining to JQ and I, but whatevz; I'm makin' memories people!

video


I won't be offended if you turn away now, but if you'd like to see some more:
Part 2...

video

My favorite person of the day was Masa. Not only because he complimented my lame-ass blogging, but also because he introduced me to the Tiddy Bear in response to my feelings for the Ped Egg.

This perverted bear smashes his face in your "tids" so your seatbelt doesn't hurt. The sad thing is, I can totally see people buying these once they design the bears to be wearing football jerseys or something..."man them up" a bit. Check out the infomercial. It's not a joke. We called to make sure.









Awww...look how cute my co-workers are. Masa is all the way to the right. Really funny guy.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Berries n Cream

I keep coming back to this:

Ped Egg



They play this commercial all the time on the bus. The damn company is brilliant, but it's still fucking disgusting. A cheese grater for your feet? The whole family can use it?

My dad kept his "foot filer" by the remote controls when I lived at home. LOL! So he could scrap off dead skin in while watching TV. All I can think of is an assortment of various family members' dead skin piled up in a Ped Egg - I want to vomit.

However, it's a great idea and their marketing is genius. I mean, people that use the metro walk a lot. I may just buy the Ped Egg this Christmas for my dad.

It's a luxury cosmetic tool for the hard-working middle and lower classes. It's still nasty. That demo of the orange...f-ing ewww.

Alright, enough venting, I'm going back to watching Snow on ABC Family now.

Tackling Snowmen...Not cool.


Sorry blog, I've neglected you for a few days. I've been so tired since JQ and I went to the Cali Christmas concert. That was like my big party night before I started my two weeks of full schedule madness.

I've been bussing it like crazy to classes, work, and rehearsals. I have shows on the 16th, 18th, 22nd, 23rd, 24th, and 25th!

Perhaps I forgot to mention that the date is set and I'm moving to Nashville on January 8th! My kick-ass bosses were able to transfer me, so I'll be working out of the Nashville office on January 12th.

I'm so excited to get out of here. I love LA, and I'm going to miss my cousins, co-workers, and JQ and Lorn so much, but I'm ready for a change and I need Guy. He is the only person who keeps me sane (or at least makes me feel sane.)

So that's what has been going on. I need to put together that video montage of our adventures over the past couple of concerts- funny stuff.

Last night, I finally got some downtime. We got paid, and my parents sent Guy and I a nice Christmas gift. They overdid it once again, but I’m done with not accepting presents. I’ve had a rough couple of months, and will take what I can get. I just hope to one day repay everyone who has been super sweet to me.

I got some clothes, and bought myself a hat to remind me of LA. I call it DopeHat. It’s like Frosty the Snowman. He put on a magic hat and came to life. When I put on this hat, I’m superfly.

Yeah, I was watching ABC Family’s 25 days of Christmas last night, and watched Frosty the Snowman, where he marries a snowwoman named Crystal. I love that. It then brought back a memory that pissed me off though.

In high school, a bunch of my guy friends spotted a beautiful new snowman and pulled over to the side of the road. One of them jumped out and tackled the snowman, completely destroying it. I remember being so angry, and thought about how upset I would’ve have been as a kid if someone did that to a snowman my dad and I made. (Well, my dad basically built the snowman, but he made it seem like I was a big help)

A family got together and put a lot of quality time into creating this snowman, and, without a care in the world, this selfish bastard ruins it for a laugh.

I felt a little better when the local newspaper came out with a picture of that snowman on the front page in its happy, fresh, and full form. The paper caught it before those jackholes could Bah-Humbug it.

I will close this never-ending blog with props to my favorite person of the, well week, Tanya Douglas. She’s been helping me out for years, just out of the kindness of her heart. She’s just that kind of person. She sincerely cares about what is going on in a person’s life, and will help without even being asked. She just knows. She’s a music enthusiast too – which I admire. XOXOs to Tanya!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Rick, Rick - He's Our Man!

Lynn got a call from our co-worker Rick today - "Hi Lynn, I'm Mr. Blue Magoo today." (Even when he's down, he's witty.)


Well, I don't like that. Steve doesn't like that - in fact, none of us at Premiere like it. How can a man with such pizazz and spunk be sad? He's a man that cheers everyone up when they are feeling down. It's not fair.


We all have our days, and we have to go through the sad times to appreciate the good times. So dearest Rick, it's okay be bummed - but know that we love you and hope that you'll be smiling again soon.


In the name of jam bands and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen boomboxes, I now pronounce Rick - my favorite person of the day! Cheer up, pup!


Sunday, December 7, 2008

YouTube's Collaborative Orchestra



I was uploading my Chris Brown video from last night and saw this! What a cool idea!

Anyways, last night we went to the KIIS Jingle Ball concert, (or as Guy says "Jingle Balls") which was mixture of artists including: Katy Perry, The Pussycat Dolls, Chris Brown, Jesse McCartney, Akon and others. (Those were the acts we saw.) I think we missed Estelle, Menudo, David Banner, and some pre-show acts.

Mrs. Quiroz hooked up the VIP, so we were "Jingle Ball-ing" (JQ made that one up). We had a blast. It was exhausting though. We took the train from LA to Anaheim, and WOW, was that a journey.

I'll be putting together some video of that over the next couple of days. So crazy fun!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Leo + Kate= GREAT!

Can't wait to see this:




I'm sure it won't compare to this:




Which brings me to this:


Must you have everything? A gorgeous body, lots of money, and Leo! Oh, wait, then you decide: "It seems Chrystal has finally stopped crushing on Leo, and has a new infatuation for Tom Brady. I know, I'll date him, and get him to do daily tasks for me." Whatevz Gisele...I'm so over it. Just stay away from my husband...Or else, it's on! :)

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Quiroz Family

I was lucky enough to spend some quality time with the Quiroz family last night, before Jen and I left for Oasis. Here's a little taste of what it was like:

video

What a fun and loving family! The whole experience made me miss my mom, dad, and sis soooo much. I wish I was home so I could help them decorate the first tree in their new house. Waa-waa-waaaaaaah, so Debbie Downer...

Anyway, the Oasis concert was great. Their songs are so dream-like. It was cool because I'm usually closer to the stage at concerts, and being in a suite was neat. (I rhymed.) I got to observe the audience. The overall scan of the crowd was calm and kind of dead, but when I really start to dive in and focus on people, I saw that people were in the moment. It was a really romantic, nostaglic show.

I have to thank Mrs. Quiroz for the awesome tickets, and the whole Quiroz family for just being cool peeps. It was nice to have that "home" experience. They are my favorite people of the day! :)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Haunting of the SpookyHouse Photo

It was a dark night, 2 (possibly 3 years) ago in Northridge. I had just picked up my Scion from the dealership, and Donna and I made our way to SpookyHouse where we met up with Guy. As we entered the attraction, a picture was taken of us. This picture has haunted me ever since.


I get emails at least four times a year with this outdated picture. Sometimes it's presented with a festive seasonal border, and sometimes the picture is displayed on coffee mugs or t-shirts. Today, there's a special holiday offer. I don't know, I think I'm sold. A Halloween photo with snowflakes and snowmen is pretty "unique."


Honestly Photogra, I'm not going to buy the picture. I truly appreciate your efforts and dedication, but you can save yourself the webspace and delete it. Actually, no, I take that back! I might be really sad when I stop getting these emails.

WHY DIDN'T I BUY THAT PICTURE!?!

Prop 8 - The Musical, Love it!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Something Odd, Yet Awesome





Check out this woman's sites. She dresses up dolls and takes pictures of them. She's really good at it. I'm kind of obsessed with it!

http://dollpics.blogspot.com/

http://thedollparty.blogspot.com/

Happy Birthday Daddy!


I had rehearsal last night so I didn't have time to write a blog about Daddy when I got home! I was too tired, and didn't feel a tired Chrystal would give Daddy the excerpt he deserves. It was his birthday yesterday. I wish I got to talk to him. I called him a couple times, and sent him a text message, but I think his phone was off. When I called Mom to get him, he had just left for work.

My Daddy works so hard for us girls and we love him very much. The poor guy has had to put up with three girls! God bless him. I know how hard it was for me being a teenager. I can only imagine the difficulty he had dealing with us through those stages. My boyfriends were always really scared of him. He's the Papa Bear, and can be very intimidating. I like that.

So, my Dad rocks. He has spoiled the family with boats, yearly trips to Disney, gorgeous homes, cars, and lots of love. He's taught us how to budget, so we can have nice things, and he's taught us how to basically get over ourselves, but not take crap from people either. This is an East Coast mentality that I appreciate a lot more after living out here in LA.

I like the Fantasyland aspects of Los Angeles to a point, but people get lost in it out here. So, thanks Dad, for keeping it real.

I hope you had a Happy Birthday, and I'll see you very soon! XOXO

PS. Obviously, my dad is my favorite person of the day :)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Thanksgiving in S.O.

Okay, this is the most boring video ever, but how exciting is Thanksgiving...really? Let's be honest. You are starving all day, because you want to eat all the delicious food. Then you eat, and you are so full you can barely function. If you're like me, you probably feel guilty about eating all of it too.

Then, you do something that is semi-fun that takes a lot of time. Monopoly is a staple post-meal holiday activity. My cousins and their guests played Risk. That's cool, but I'd rather not play a three hour long game that I'm just going to get my ass kicked in. Watching TMZ, and fighting the urge to nap will be entertaining enough for me.

It was a nice Thanksgiving though, and I enjoyed myself throughly. Reid is a turkey-master, and Cindy's potatoes were my favorite! Maybe I'll be able to coax people into acting out a sitcom over Christmas, that way my family videos will be more entertaining.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Bobby Brown vs. Donna Kaczander

Sometimes celebrities can be more cooperative than friends. Take Bobby Brown for instance. I'm doing my shuffle around Trader Joe's a few moments ago, and I see a man - a man that looks just like Bobby Brown. I read the back of his shirt, and sure enough, it's a concert t-shirt and it says "Bobby Brown." Hey, if he wants to wear a shirt with his name on it to attract attention...that's his prerogative. Couldn't help it.

So, I'm talking to Guy on the phone, just being obnoxious about it. "Crack"ing Bobby Brown puns left and right. I decide to get right behind him in line. I ask him, "Can I videotape you for a second?" "Sure," he says.

Such an awkward video, I'm so crazed, starstruck, and giggly. Not a touch of makeup on. I panic and start recording as he enters his pin...WTF? He must have been like, "What is this crazy bitch doing? Stealing my money?"

video

So yeah, that's Bobby. Very cool and chill. Then, there's Donna, who falls into my top five favorite friends of all time, who I got to hang out with this weekend. This is how she reacts when I ask for some footage.


video

Oh well, I love her just the same. She's a tender roni. She was my favorite person of the day yesterday. Today, it's Bobby Brown.